i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
