talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
