shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
