This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
