Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
