I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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