Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he thought i was a dude.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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