drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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