I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
