what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
