you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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