can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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