You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
