I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
