I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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