i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
