i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
