Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
