I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
