Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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