When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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