So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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