i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
