one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
