so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
