just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
