ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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