Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
