Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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