oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
