Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
