take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
