i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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