I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
