is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
