Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
