Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
