I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
