then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish my penis had an off switch
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
two words...techno handjob
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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