Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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