I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
