absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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