but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
