Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
