My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
