for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
