every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
