just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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