i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
