I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
