how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
