Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
