My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
