is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
