I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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