I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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