Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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