A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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