No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
