I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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