He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
